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Gods of Egypt makes that Wachowski atrocity look like a masterpiece.

Hell, it makes Clash of the Titans look like a masterpiece.

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What if they had the power to transform into metallic statues and fiery bulls?

What if they bled gold and fought snake monsters by hissing at them?

There’s a scene in Gods of Egypt where Gerard Butler, still hungover from 300, bellows at the camera, “You think I’d put any effort into trying to amuse you?

” And it makes you wonder, considering the levels of insanity that this movie has been assaulting you with (for 2 hours!

Meanwhile, the God of Disorder (and Desert Storms), Set kicks into motion his nefarious scheme of world domination by killing his brother Osiris in the most inconvenient and inconspicuous way possible. For those of you keeping score at home, this movie has flying chariots kept aloft by butterflies, really angry metallic statues, plans that involve “killing the desert,” giant serpents and now, Ra on a spaceship.